I would like to ask you to help me understand a situation, which is very dear to my heart:I met a man and we slowly began to see each other and soon fell in love.... but he has been married for around twenty years and has two children. Since he met me, he's calmer and has come back to life ... it wasn't a real marriage almost right from the start, but they went ahead anyway out of inertia...it’s like a prison from which there is no escape because, unfortunately, he is under his wife’s thumb.

I would like to ask you whether, from our natal charts, you see the end of their marriage and whether we two will have a happy future together. Thank you and I anxiously await your answer. Consuelo.

 

The content of this question, even if expressed in a different way, has been put to me by many women, who make clear the husband's unhappiness in the marriage, of having to stay together only for the marriage, of having a wife … a lover who also passes as a victim. But, in most of the cases of which I am aware, the birth charts of these gentlemen do not match what they claim and the demonstration of this lies in the fact that almost all remain in that “prison”. If a marriage falls apart, the man is the originator of the separation in only 20% of cases at the most, while it is the woman in as many as 80% of cases and, if the husband-companion does not agree, some risk being punished with violence or with death.The newspapers tell us that, recently in our patriarchal country, femicide has reached staggering proportions and, astrologically, this unpleasant phenomenon can be seen from the transit of Pluto in opposition to Eris. 

However, to return to these lover-victims, if they are accepted by the women as such, they can offer opportunities for being alive, a pause, an escape, passion and reflection on their own emotional-sexual situation but if, on the other hand, the woman wants him as a companion or husband, then the trouble starts, precisely because he will change from lover-Venus to Moon-companion, retracing the prototype and so following in the footsteps of the relationship with the wife or ex. Usually, this type of lover presents a wounded radix Moon, indicating an incomplete and immature relationship with his mother, from whom separation became problematic, as it will later be from the companion. 

I mention only two of the most frequent aspects that symbolise this type of lover.

Moon in opposition, in quadrature or semi-quadrature to Pluto, which represents the conflicts arising from the total non-acceptance of the subject by the maternal figure, from which springs a love-hate relationship first with the mother, later with women in general. With his partner, he will spend times of great passion and eroticism but also jealousy at times of rejection and disdain:feelings, fed by a deep sense of inferiority, that are sparked in the subject by the female figure. This complex may drive him to compete with her, making the relationship that he establishes with her eternally dissatisfying:frustration that makes him continuously seek another woman, who must be the source of stimulation and excitement. 

The second aspect is the Moon bound to Neptune or positioned in the 12th house – Pisces. The maternal figure is hazy, ill-defined, and changes from times of extreme sensitivity and affection to others when she is evasive, especially when she has to set limits, prohibitions; something she will do only if exasperated by the situation, for which reason she will do it in an exaggerated way.As a consequence, the subject gets used to living with emotional instability and so, when he starts to have a stable relationship, the monotony, the daily round and the security of the relationship reduce or even extinguish the motivation to keep the affection active and lively, thereby driving him to seek out new stimulation and so new relationships. 

As you can see from the natal chart, dear Consuelo, your Him, with Moon in quadrature to Pluto and also to Uranus, belongs to the first type, that is, one of those whom it is better to have as a lover rather than a husband, because he will feel constrained in this latter role, whoever his companion may be, and will always need someone else in order to "breathe" and will not refrain from dramatizing or manipulating situations or female figures to obtain what he wants. 
On the other hand, when you met him, you had negative Pluto and Uranus in your Sun-Mercury-Saturn conjunction, precisely representing the possibility of being bamboozled by a man, finding a partner who evokes passion and enthusiasm but who also causes fights, unhappiness and break-ups. Your radix Moon in conjunction with Neptune, symbolically speaking, makes you want to help others, to see him as a prisoner of the wife, but the fact that she kicked him out of the house and yet he twice went back and so chose her again, means he still wants to stay in that “prison”, because he’s happy there and not because he is forced to do so for economic and work reasons, as he would have you believe. 
translated by Nick Skidmore

© 2023 Carla Pretto